Thanksgiving has a way of sneaking up on you. One minute you’re juggling work, trying to finish whatever the week demands, and thinking about the regular everyday things you need to get done. Then suddenly you look at the calendar and realize the holiday is right around the corner. And if you’re already moving through the world a bit tired or stretched thin, it can feel like one more thing you suddenly have to prepare for. Holiday burnout can creep in before you even realize it.
A lot of us walk into Thanksgiving a little worn down. Not in a dramatic way. Just…tired. You show up, you do what you usually do, and the day goes the way it always has. You smile, you help where it makes sense, you try to be present, and you move through the familiar flow of the holiday because it’s what you’ve always done.
Sometimes it’s fine. Sometimes it’s even nice. Other times, you may be participating, but not fully connected. You want Thanksgiving to feel good, but you don’t want it to require more energy than you actually have. You want connection, but not the kind that drains you or pulls you in too many directions at once. You want to be present, but you don’t want to feel like a circus master.
If you’re in a season of burnout recovery or just trying to be more intentional about how you spend your time, those feelings can feel even louder.
A lot of us reach the holiday with internal expectations we never actually agreed to. We try to show up the way we think we should, or the way we’ve always done it, or the way family tradition has trained us to. And because Thanksgiving tends to have a lot of moving parts—coordinating plans, figuring out timing, being around different personalities—we don’t always stop to think about our own needs.
So before anything else, here’s something important to consider:
Ask yourself: “What do I actually want this day to feel like?”
Not what you think it “should” feel like. Not what would make a great holiday photo for social media. Not what would keep everyone else the happiest or most comfortable.
Just: What do I need this Thanksgiving to feel like so I can leave the day full instead of drained?
For some people, the answer is ease.
For others, it’s slowness.
Sometimes it’s wanting a quieter day with less rushing around.
Sometimes it’s wanting to enjoy one good conversation instead of bouncing between every relative in the house.
And sometimes, especially if you’re coming out of a heavy season, you just want Thanksgiving to feel lighter than it did the last time around.
Once you’re honest with yourself about that, the rest becomes a lot clearer.
You don’t have to reinvent the holiday.
You don’t have to make a big production about changing the family routine.
You don’t have to explain your way through every personal choice.
Just move through the day with a slightly different intention—one that belongs to you.
When I spend Thanksgiving at my mom’s house, I get a front-row seat to this idea. I don’t cook the main dishes or manage the timing of the meal, so my role in the day is light. It has given me space to notice the energy of the house, the flow of the day, and the small pockets of quiet time that show up between conversations. I can choose when to join in, when to sit down for a moment, or when to make my way to a quieter area of the house if things get too busy. Not because I’m avoiding anything, but because it helps me stay present in a way that feels authentic.
Thanksgiving can still be warm and meaningful without being demanding. It can still feel special without being complicated. It can still bring connection without asking you to stretch yourself thin. You don’t have to be everything to everyone on a day that’s meant to remind us of what matters most.
Creating a Thanksgiving That Actually Fits Your Life
One of the most helpful parts of reshaping Thanksgiving is remembering that there’s no single version of the holiday everyone is supposed to follow. Most people are doing some combination of tradition, habit, convenience, and whatever worked well enough last year. That means you have room to adjust the day so it works for you, even if those adjustments are small or invisible to other people.
You don’t need to announce you’re changing how you approach the holiday. You don’t need to justify anything to anyone. You’re simply choosing a pace and a way of participating that allow you to feel steady and connected rather than stretched thin.
A lot of this starts with how you begin the morning.
Start the day in a way that sets your tone
Giving yourself a little space before everything starts can make a big difference. Sometimes that looks like giving yourself time to move slowly while you get ready, instead of rushing. Sometimes it’s sitting with a cup of coffee, without immediately jumping into conversations or to-do’s. Sometimes it’s choosing an outfit that makes you feel good before you walk out the door.
None of these things are grand gestures—they’re simple ways of easing into the day so you’re not thrown into the holiday the minute you show up to celebrate with friends and family.
Participate in a way that matches where you are right now
If you’re not hosting or managing logistics, you naturally have a lighter role in how the day runs. That gives you the freedom to choose how you want to spend your time without worrying that the entire holiday depends on you. You can interact where it feels natural and pull back a little where it doesn’t.
Maybe you gravitate toward a few people you genuinely enjoy talking to instead of bouncing from conversation to conversation. Maybe you hang out in the kitchen for a minute if you want to watch the cooking in real time, or you pick a spot in the living room that feels comfortable. Maybe you zone out for a bit when the conversations start getting loud and everyone’s talking over each other. These aren’t dramatic decisions—they’re ways of moving through the day that don’t leave you stressed out.
The nice thing about Thanksgiving is that it’s a holiday built on ebbs and flows. There are natural breaks throughout the day: before the meal, after the meal, while people are getting situated, etc. Those transitions give you room to take a breath and pay attention to how you’re doing. There are plenty of opportunities to shift your energy without making it a bit deal.
Notice the parts of the day that actually satisfy you
A familiar recipe that always shows up on the table. A conversation with someone you haven’t seen in a while. The comfort of knowing you don’t have to be “on” the entire time. The way the house smells when the food is almost done. The sound of people laughing in the other room. This kind of noticing helps the day feel fuller without it being overwhelming. It also helps you stay present without forcing anything. Those moments help me stay connected while still having space to breathe.
Let the day unfold without chasing perfection
It’s easy to feel like Thanksgiving has to meet a certain standard—especially if you’ve grown up with specific traditions or if you’ve spent years trying to make the day feel a certain way. But aiming for an ideal often takes you out of the present and into a place where you’re tracking yourself instead of experiencing the day as it comes.
Letting go of expectations means you’re making space for the day to be what it is. People will run late. Conversations will go in random directions. The collard greens might need a little more salt or someone might’ve chosen to make sweet potatoe pie instead of the jalapeno corn bread that you LOVE. Family dynamics will be what they’ve always been. Some parts of the day will go well, and others may not.
But if you’re not trying to force the holiday into a particular shape, you have more energy for the parts that genuinely matter to you. Perfection doesn’t make these moments valuable. Presence does.
Small Ways You Can Choose Ease During the Holidays
There’s something that happens when you get a little older and you’ve been through a few holiday seasons: you start recognizing what actually matters to you and what doesn’t. Maybe you’ve outgrown the pressure to be “on,” or maybe burnout has taught you to pay attention to how you move through spaces that ask a lot from you. Either way, this is usually where you realize the holidays don’t have to feel overstimulating to be meaningful.
This section focuses on practical things you can do to stay balanced while you’re in spaces that move fast, expect a lot, or tend to pull you in ten different directions.
1. Stay connected to the moment you’re actually in—not the one you’re anticipating
Someone is still finishing the stuffing, two different conversations are happening at once, another person is asking where the serving spoon went—and your mind jumps ahead to what’s going to happen next: Who’s about to walk in? Am I going to have to answer questions I’m not in the mood for? Should I go ahead and help plate everything? Am I already tired?
If you’ve ever felt tension start building before anything even happens, that’s anticipatory pressure. It pulls you out of your body and into hyper-awareness. And when you’re already a little tired, it becomes easy to misread things as “too much.”
A more supportive way to move through it is to bring yourself back to one small, current detail. Something that anchors you:
• The scent of whatever’s in the oven
• Hearing the conversation directly in front of you instead of the one across the room
These tiny reminders help retrain your nervous system to recognize what’s actually happening instead of bracing for what might happen.
2. Make micro-adjustments instead of disappearing from the room
You don’t have to fake energy you don’t have. You also don’t need to disconnect emotionally just to get through the evening.
What helps is finding the middle ground—micro-adjustments that keep you present and prevent holiday burnout:
• Switching to a quieter spot in the house
• Helping with something that feels comfortable—like checking on the rolls or pouring drinks
• Staying close to the people you naturally connect with instead of trying to engage everyone at once.
3. If you need a minute, take one
No announcement required. A moment of space can look simple:
• Stepping out onto the patio for some fresh air
• Checking on something in the kitchen
• Sitting down at the table before everyone else
These micro-pauses give your nervous system a chance to recalibrate without disrupting the flow of the day. They make room for you to be fully present again when you step back into the group.
4. Give yourself permission to experience the day your way
Holiday spaces tend to come with unspoken expectations—be cheerful, be talkative, be involved, be available, be easygoing—but you’re allowed to show up as a whole person, not a version of yourself that exists purely to make everyone else comfortable.
Your energy is part of the room, too.
Your presence counts even when you’re quiet.
Your way of connecting is still valid.
When you stop trying to match everyone else’s tempo, it becomes easier to move through the day without feeling internal pressure or holiday burnout.
5. Let your body guide you
You might notice tiny signals that tell you how you’re doing:
• Your shoulders tightening up
• A heaviness in your chest
• Difficulty keeping up with multiple conversations
Instead of pushing through, respond to the smallest signal you notice. Maybe you sit down for a minute. Maybe you choose the quieter room. Maybe you join a conversation with fewer people. Small decisions can make a big difference.
6. Acknowledge the meaning behind the holiday rather than the performance of it
Even when things get busy, there is always something deeper to recognize—a sense of gratitude, family ties, shared history, faith, or just the warmth of being together. Meaning doesn’t usually show up in big, dramatic moments. It shows up in the small ones:
• The way someone laughs at a story they’ve heard a thousand times (my family is notorious for this)
• The smell of dinner coming together
• A brief catch-up conversation in the middle of the noise
• An old school song playing in the background
Focusing on meaningful moments instead of Thanksgiving rituals helps stave off holiday burnout.
7. Trust that the holiday doesn’t need to be flawless to feel like home
Every year comes with a mix of beautiful memories and slightly chaotic moments, but the day doesn’t need to feel polished to be special. Most of the time, the parts that stay with you are the human ones. Showing up with intention, care, and presence is the key. Just showing up as yourself is more than enough.
